The Art of Being Alone

In all of my conversations, lately, the prospects of my being a hermit and other people being barnacles always seems to come up. My friends and I laugh about how I can chain myself to my house and only emerge for groceries and bike rides, shielding my face from anyone that knows me as if they're paparazzi. And they, my friends, talk about how they struggle with the opposite: being alone.

It must be said, that we would do well to rub off on each other a bit. I could definitely leave my nest for a Friday night and go to a party with some new faces. They could use a break from the faces on their feeds in the few moments that they are alone.

Right now, I'm immersed in this space where I'm either creating something, and too caught up in it too leave, or kicking back with some booch and a silly show. They're caught up in the social scene now that their schedules are freed up from soccer and tennis and school and whatever else goes on in the school year. But the thing is, this hermit needs to come out of her shell a little more, and the social butterflies need to start building some cocoons for themselves. Why? Because it's very clear that there's a lot of potential for them to grow in this season. A lot of them are graduating from university this year, leaving behind their teams, and starting new lives without the friendships that have fallen into their laps so wonderfully, as they often do in college. And I have a lot to learn from other people, a lot that I don't realize until I'm with them.

Let's focus this blog post on the art of being alone, though. I think it's a message that a lot of people need to hear.

---

Every human being has a divine purpose and presence in the world. They are meant to touch the lives of others in some way, shape, or form. This is Dharma. Your dharma is your life purpose -- where your natural talents meet your passions in a way that serves the world. Sahara Rose describes nine archetypes of life purposes:

If you click on that little pie, you can take the link to her short quiz. The thing is, you probably wouldn't know about that quiz unless you were reading this right now. I'm going to guess that right now, you're sitting somewhere alone--or, maybe, you're with a friend. And let me ask you, if you're with that friend, what are you doing on your phone or laptop?

That is the message here: be by yourself, wholly, or be with people and give them your full attention, but stop living in a manner where you are constantly alone or constantly with people. Are you with company all the time because you can't sit in a room by yourself with only your thoughts? Does thinking about that scare you? If it does, let's change that. To be alone in your thoughts can be the most exhilarating place to be.

You just have to figure out what thrills you to think about.

I'm a daydreamer. I live in movies in my mind. Whenever I am alone, I am imagining something sweet, and going there with my eyelashes kissing the tops of my cheeks as they draw down when my eyes close. I am planning the ways that I'll get to those dreams. I am singing songs that I love to hear. I am remembering something funny from March or April.

In the last couple of weeks, I've spent so many bike rides home singing ballads from my Dream Girl playlist, budgeting in my mind--piling up the numbers of my expected expenses and earnings to figure out just how I'll save up for my new beach cruiser and a little truck. A couple of days ago, I was pedaling across town, next to one of my favorite chocolate brown, plank fences, when I started laughing my little muffenz off, because I thought of the time last month that my friends and I nearly convinced our innocent little pal to moon out of the window of Cooper's truck.

Those are a few reasons to spend time alone in your thoughts: to appreciate your life, remember things that you don't have time or space for when your mind is all tied up, and to think about what you want and how you can get it. Create a sanctuary for yourself. Maybe it's your bedroom. Maybe it's your backyard. Maybe it's on a quiet road near your home or a trail in the mountains.

There is growth that is waiting to happen for you. I am certain that every person that reads this post will realize something about their life that they want to propel forward or make happen if they open the space to let the thought cross their mind. When you're alone, you realize what you're uncomfortable with about your life. And that's why people don't like to be alone. The minute that they step outside to get some air, they are reminded that something is calling out to them. Their discontent with their jobs, their health, their behaviors, relationships, or purpose isn't being fulfilled or isn't fulfilling them. And at that moment, they have a choice, you have a choice, to look at what's in that boogie monster under your bed and figure out what you'll do to change it, or leave the room and return to the safety of a well lit party full of voices and people. The boogie monster won't go out there with you, because it isn't a boogie monster. It's a piece of you that only you fear.

Growth is waiting for you, and being alone is how you find it. Once you've given yourself the quiet time and space to think, journal, meditate, and dig deep into your heart and soul, you find what's a little bit off. Then, you take more time and space to think, journal, meditate, or dig deep on what you can do to change it. After that, you are in a different kind of being alone.

The time is called "Time to get to work."

Today, I realized that I have some habits to improve on. It'd be good for me to get in bed earlier, to eat a little less ice cream, and to do the workouts that I would do if I weren't working at the tumbling gym and riding my bike. Since summer began, I definitely get a lot of exercise, but I miss my old workouts, still. And I'm aware that I'll be happier with early nights and early mornings, a little more veg, and maybe not dessert with every meal, teehee. It's not scary to think about, because I know who I am. I know my worth, my potential, my purpose, and I have love for myself.

Recognizing what could be improved upon without judgement is great. If you aren't to that point yet, though, and the idea of looking at what you could improve on hurts or scares you, then it's very clear that the first thing for you to focus on is love for yourself. It is much easier to be alone with yourself with you love yourself.

Now, back to time to get to work. Hopefully, you've paused for a moment and thought about one thing that you can improve on--the one that suits you best right now. It's time to sit down alone and come up with a plan for how you'll improve.

I had the thought as I was watching a show, so, after a while of the thought nagging at me, I paused my show and wrote down what I wanted. I had a notebook next to me. All it took was for me to grab my little pen and jot down my desires and how I'll accomplish them. Writing it down helps me a whole, dang lot.

Then, it's time to act out that plan.

If it doesn't pan out all that well, I can come back to the drawing board and make a new one until I find a way to make it work. I am learning and growing and improving through every step of that process, and so are you. Let's try to enjoy and love it.

What if, you've just done a whole lot of improving, you aren't hiding from being alone out of fear of seeing your own shadow, and being alone just makes you bored? Then you need to find a hobby: something to do by yourself. I write. I podcast. I look on all kinds of clothing websites all the dang time. I paint. I go for walks. All of these things bring me joy when I'm by myself. And this is important because every human needs to gain the independence required to enjoy their own company. It's not healthy to be with other people all the time out of a need for their presence. It's healthy to be balanced and not be scared of or addicted to other people.

The art of being alone is the art of independence, the art of growth, , the art of reflection, the art of creation, and the art of finding your place in this world.

Remember, you have a purpose. You're meant to do something here, and you can't find out what that is and make it happen if you never give yourself the time to realize it and put it into action, or the opportunity to give it to other people.

I love you. I hope you'll take a walk today without music, without Airpods, just in your own thought, or that you'll journal for five minutes on how you feel and what you desire.

I love you. I love you. I love you <3 Ally Mia